I want to preface everything I’m about to say with this – we still believe that dad could receive a complete healing – it is already his for the taking. I don’t understand enough about healing to know why some people are healed, and others are not. But, I do believe, again, that dad could get healed.
And, there is also a certain understanding, based on the medical professionals, of what is going on in dad’s body. So, what I am about to say is based on that.
Dad is doing great recovering from this latest bout of pneumonia. He has been very alert, very energetic, and man, can he talk!
However – the pneumonia won’t ever completely go away. It is in such a place that it is very difficult to get rid of, not to mention the fact that the pneumonia is sort of interspersed with the cancer that is in his lung. So, it is very likely he will get it again.
The doctors came in today and told dad if he had to pick a cancer, this is not the one he should have picked. It is highly aggressive, and spreading rapidly. The doctors are amazed at his case (and, not in a good way). Based on the labs and scans he has had this go round, the cancer is now in the liver. So, now we have the lung, the brain, the lymph nodes, and the liver. Lovely.
The doctors are encouraging us to have some discussions with the palliative care unit (they are similar to hospice, but done through the hospital or something like that). Decisions need to be made about what care we want done, if dad wants to spend his time in the hospital, or just stay home, among other things.
There are so many things that run through your head in times like these. I guess there is no book to say “this is how to handle it emotionally”. You kind of have to go with the ebb and flow of information and feelings. My dad is an amazing man that has, and continues to give me so much. I don’t want him to have to deal with this, yet… I’m pissed that my girls aren’t going to have the time with him that I had always thought they would.
We – my mom, Aunt Cynthia, and I were talking earlier, and I made the comment how angry I was because this isn’t fair – dad won’t be able to see the fruits of the labor he has, for his entire life, worked at. He won’t be able to resolve all those wounds, and hurts that he has encountered over the course of his lifetime. My mom said “you know – there is never a point in our lives that we reach where we feel like we have done everything we needed to do, or overcome everything we have to”. My Aunt spoke up and said “we are so ingrained that this is it – that we have to do all these things, now, without thinking about what lies ahead”. And, I guess, in those words, it occurred to me that in a moment of time, my dad will realize, finally, that he is worthy. And that all the baggage he has carried will be gone. Just like that. And, in those thoughts, I suppose, it makes it a little easier to let him go. He just better make it known, in some way, that he sees us. Or, I’m going to take it up with Upper Management.
Everyone, I love you all so much – you have no idea how much your prayers of support and encouragement have done, and continue to do for our family. The comments you have emailed me, or left here are read out loud around our table.
I will continue to keep everyone updated as things go on.