He is resting comfortably

Dad is resting comfortably.  The hospice nurse is here again.  Everyone has their own end journey, and all indications are that dad will be welcomed to Heaven in the very near future.

I’m trying to concentrate on the good in all this – that we’ve been blessed with 71 years, that my folks did make the 50 year mark, though they were apart and unable to celebrate.  That we’ve had so many blessings.  That dad will, in an instant be far more perfect than he’s ever been.  But, it still hurts, and it’s not fair.

My mother is so amazing, and she has been such a rock in all of this.  My dad and I had a conversation the other day while he was still in the hospital, and it was something to the effect of how mom was doing, or would do in all of this, and I said “you know, I think mom is more capable, confident and steady than everyone gives her credit for – I think she is going to do just fine” and my dad said “I think you’re right”.  I’m sure that the first thing dad does when he gets to heaven is to make sure that we – my mom, brother, and I – are taken care of.  And, I know we all will be, but there are so many large unknown’s right now – how you pick up the pieces, develop a new plan and move on?  I just don’t know.

 

Reconciliation and Resolution

Dad came home from the hospital yesterday evening.  We also had the initial visit with the hospice nurse, too.  Thankfully, as his family, we will have resources available for us as well, in the year following this ordeal.  This is especially wonderful for my kids.  I’ve been through this once before with my grandma, and helping kids process this type of thing is so hard.  I am glad to have help in this area.

I’ve had a topic on my mind for quite some time that I wanted to talk about here.  I still don’t have it all figured out, so this may end up being a two part post.

My parents are incredible – they have raised me to be bold, never back down, and say what you gotta say, among other things.  During this time I am especially thankful that I don’t have any unresolved issues with either of them.  No horrid scars, nothing.  Now, that isn’t to say I didn’t have them – I certainly did, but they were reconciled and resolved.

Maybe it is who I am, but I’m pretty good about letting people know how I feel about things.  Those that know me may be laughing right now, but really – I do.  I try to be nice, sometimes I’m not, but if I’ve got an issue, you will know about it.  I’ve actually calmed down a lot in these years – pick your battles is what they say, and there are a lot of times I let things go simply because it isn’t worth an argument.

I think we go through life often romanticizing one’s end of life based on what we see on television.  You know what I’m talking about – those times on the death bed where secrets are revealed, long time feuds are resolved, and the true feelings of each other are revealed.

Let me tell you something – it generally doesn’t happen like that.

Oh sure – you say the things you need to, but if you are looking for resolution to long standing issues, or desiring to reconcile relationships after a lifetime of having distance, you waited too long.

Why do I say that?

Because you enter into a new relationship with that person – those concerns and issues you had with personalities, or wrongs, takes a back burner to what you are trying to process and cope with.

And – how do you say to that loved one who is terminal “you did such and such to hurt me” when they are fighting for their life?

You can’t.

Folks – now is that time to talk with whomever has hurt you – it won’t get any easier to address these things as time goes by, so why not address it now?  Is it hard?  Absolutely!  But it isn’t any harder than waiting for pete’s sake, and at the very least, you will have more time with them not having the unreconciliation!

Far more easier said than done, isn’t it?

It is.

And, sometimes, we cannot reconcile directly with that person – maybe they already passed away, or the circumstances are such that you cannot.  Yet, you still have to somehow figure out how to do so – for you.

Do you have unreconciled or unresolved issues with someone?  Please take those first steps now toward reconciliation.  Maybe a phone call, maybe just a note.  It’s ok – God will help you do the rest.

 

 

Palliative Care

We have spent the entire day at the hospital.  David is there now, and my mom is going up to relieve him overnight.

Today was probably the best day, information wise, that we have had this entire process.

The doctor – one whom we have not had yet – was wonderful about explaining what is going on, but more than that, what we can expect as this progresses.  Because the cancer has spread so quickly, and aggressively, he seems to think we have weeks, not months left with dad.

We also had a conversation with the palliative coordinator, and she is getting the ball rolling on that end.  While dad is in the hospital, he will be under palliative care, and once he is released to come home, he will fall under hospice.  It was incredibly helpful to know that we, his family, have resources available to us not only now, but for later as well.  This is especially encouraging to me in having information to help me help my girls through this.

I don’t have anything more to say tonight – trying to get a grip on how I’m feeling, you know?

Love you all,

Dana

 

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...